


The Things We Didn't Know We Needed

by TragicLove



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Affairs, F/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 05:28:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15112769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TragicLove/pseuds/TragicLove
Summary: Natalie didn't mean for it to happen.She hadn't meant to do any of it, but she had.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pretty long story for a pairing I'm sure less than 20 people are even interested in, but it just ran away with me.

Natalie didn’t mean for it to happen.

That’s what they all say, isn’t it? 

It was true, she’d never meant to end up in her marital bed with a man who wasn’t her husband. Worse, she’d _definitely_ never meant to end up in her marital bed with a man who was her husbands brother. She hadn’t meant to drink a little bit too much, or allow Zac to talk her into smoking ‘just a little’ weed for the first time in her life. For his anxiety, he’d said, it calmed him down, set his head straight. She hadn’t meant to do any of it, but she had.

Taylor was away, on business, as he called it. More like, he’d left the state to pursue another one of his little pet projects. He was always coming up with something new he wanted to try, some business idea or side project that was always his next big passion. Until it fizzled out and ended up being nothing, at the expense of their family time, something they already didn’t get quite enough of. The story was always the same, the beginning and ending never changing, but that never stopped him from jetting off every time some little whimsy struck him, leaving her behind with their five kids to run a household and keep everyone alive and happy. Exhausting was a good word to describe her life for the past sixteen years. Blessed was another word, but sometimes the good and the bad go hand in hand. 

The kids had been shipped off to Grandma’s house and Natalie had the house all to herself. She’d wrapped her bathrobe around herself and had just settled down on the couch, remote in one hand, glass of wine in the other, running down the list of romantic comedy’s she had stocked on their DVR just for nights like this, when she heard the knock at the door. One eyebrow rose, she wasn’t expecting anybody.

“Come in,” she’d called from her spot on the couch, not willing to get up and then have to make herself comfortable all over again.

When Zac rounded the corner into the living room, a pizza in one hand, another bottle of wine in the other, giant Zac smile on his face, she grinned and shook her head.

“Checking up on me?”

“Figured you might be bored,” he placed the pizza on the coffee table, holding the wine up. “I see you’ve already got some of this. I’ll put this one in the fridge.”

“Help yourself to a glass,” she’d called to his back.

It wasn’t weird, Zac showing up at the house, even when Taylor wasn’t home. They’d been good friends, her and Zac, spending basically their entire adult life, and a good chunk of their youth, around one another. The thing about the Hanson clan was that they were always _there_. It was a rare day when you didn’t see at least one more member of the family, exceptionally close didn’t even touch the level of entanglement between the hoard of them. Sometimes Natalie wondered if it bordered on unhealthy, the way everyone was constantly in everyone else’s business, co-dependency being a strong dynamic in the family. 

Zac breezed back into the living room, a glass of wine for himself in his hand, and plopped down on the couch next to Natalie, sending her slightly off balance. He grabbed her wrist to steady her wine glass as she toppled sideways into his lap. They laughed as she righted herself, pulling her bathrobe tighter around her.

“Sorry,” Zac grinned over at her.

“Someday you’ll learn how to sit down like a normal person,” Natalie laughed, sipping her wine.

“Maybe. What’re we watching?”

“I was thinking Pretty in Pink,” Natalie chuckled, scrolling through the DVR, the cursor landing on the movie, which was one of her favorites. 

“Normally I’d fight this choice, but I think I’ll go with it.”

“Well, be still my heart,” Natalie looked over at him and smiled. “The sacrifices you make for me.”

“That’s me,” Zac returned her smile before putting his wine glass to his lips and taking a long sip. “Always putting myself aside for others.”

They locked eyes for a moment before Natalie looked back at the TV, the words he said ringing all too true to her. She knew the things Zac had sacrificed over the years to make others happy, she knew them all too well. 

She knew he wasn’t fully happy in his life, his marriage, his work. He was going through the motions, doing what he thought he was supposed to do, never giving much thought to what he _really_ wanted out of life, as long as everyone else was happy, as long as it looked the part. Natalie had always thought it was a bit sad, the way he’d succumbed himself to a life that wasn’t exactly what he’d wanted. She thought he could have had it great, he could have been great, if he’d only ever put himself first. 

She clicked the button on the remote, the movie firing up on the TV in front of them. They settled into a comfortable silence, sipping their wine and laughing at all the right parts of the movie. About halfway through, Natalie felt Zac shift on the couch, moving so he was sitting up, he reached out and placed his empty wine glass on the table. 

“Refill?” He smiled over at her, she shook her head no, grinning. He’d already refilled their glasses four times, and her head was a little fuzzy, in a good way.

“No more refills.”

“C’mon, we’ve got no kids, there’s no reason not to let our hair down.”

Zac stood up and pulled the elastic out of his hair, shaking his head so his long brown locks fell around his face and over his shoulders. Natalie laughed, covering her mouth with her hand and placing her wine glass on the table next to his.

“Alright, one more.”

“Yeah!” Zac clapped his hands, picking both of their wine glasses up and going into the kitchen. 

It had been ages since Natalie had gotten drunk. At least once a week, once all the kids were tucked away in bed, she’d pour herself a glass of wine and drink that while she scrolled around on the internet, usually pouring a second one and falling asleep before she’d even taken a sip out of it. She’d never wanted to set a bad example for the kids, and if she was being honest with herself, she was always a little worried that on that one night she really let loose and allowed herself to get a little tipsy, it would be the night an emergency happened, and she’d be forced to maneuver it with a clouded head. Parenthood had really made her a nervous Nelly, Taylor told her all the time to stop worrying so much, to lighten up. Easy for him to say.

Zac plopped back down next to her, wine slushing around inside of the two glasses he was holding. Despite herself, and her fear of wine stains on the carpet, Natalie giggled, reaching out and grabbing her glass from his hand. Her fingers brushed his and, probably it was all of that white zin they’d been drinking, but she felt a tiny stirring in her stomach. She shook her head, removing the thought all together.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Zac wiggled his eyebrows, taking a sip from his glass. “Want some pizza?”

Natalie shook her head no, her stomach already feeling pretty full from all she’d drank.

“Me either.”

“You? Not want food? Are you sick?” Natalie placed her palm on his forehead. “Should we call the ambulance?”

“Very funny,” Zac swatted her hand away.

“Where’s Kate tonight, anyway?” Natalie asked, taking a larger sip of her wine. Zac looked away from her, tipping his glass to his lips and then placing it on the table, shrugging.

“Took the kids to visit her mom.”

“Ahh.”

Things hadn’t been all roses for Zac and Kate over the past few years, Natalie knew that. It was tough sometimes, your brother in law being married to your best friend, because sometimes you didn’t really know which side you were supposed to take, you didn’t know who you were supposed to think was right. Sometimes it was almost awkward all together to even hear about their troubles.

It was sad, when Natalie thought about it. She’d known years ago when Zac and Kate got married that they weren’t doing it fully for the right reasons. Sure, they loved each other, in the way that teenagers did in their first _real_ relationship. But, she also knew that image was a big thing to the Hanson family, and nothing made a prettier down home American picture than the two brothers marrying the two Southern Belles, best friends since grade school. It was too much to pass up, and Natalie knew that Zac had been getting pressure from his parents to make good on his relationship, make her an honest woman, and himself and honest man. They’d put up a good fight of making it the true love story it was supposed to be. They’d tackled life together, having some kids, making it look easy, but Natalie knew that within those four walls it wasn’t what it seemed. Who was she kidding, she could relate. 

They’d hit a rough patch a couple of years ago and decided that they’d try for another baby, maybe that would fix things, finally. Natalie had wanted to tell them that if the last three hadn’t done it, it was probably a lost cause, but Kate had gotten pregnant and Lucy had joined the clan, and unfortunately for them it seemed like things had only gone downhill from there. 

Natalie was broken from her thoughts by Zac standing up and digging in his pocket. He pulled out a joint and motioned towards the door.

“I’m gonna step outside,” he held the joint up and turned to walk to the door. She reached up and grabbed his wrist.

“You can stay inside.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, why not? It’s just us here.”

He nodded, pulling a lighter out of his other pocket and sitting back down on the couch. 

Natalie watched as Zac slipped the joint between his lips, holding the flame of the lighter up to the end of it. She watched as he inhaled, held it in for a couple of seconds and then exhaled smoothly and slowly. His eyes met hers, an amused expression on his face.

“Wanna try?”

“Huh? No,” she shook her head, laughing a little. “No.”

“How come? You must have tried it before.”

“Me? No, never.”

Natalie had always followed the rules. She had always been ‘a good girl,’ which is why that whole unplanned teenage pregnancy thing had thrown everyone off so much. She never drank a sip of alcohol before she turned 21, she was still yet to smoke a cigarette. She’d never cheated on a test, or anything else for that matter. You could ask anyone who knew Natalie Hanson, and they would tell you, she’d never stepped outside of the lines a day in her life. 

“Just try it, come on, just a little. You might like it,” Zac was grinning at her, a mischievous sparkle in his deep brown eyes.

He put the joint between his lips again, taking a deep his into his lungs. She knew how much Kate hated it when Zac smoked, but Natalie could help but find it a bit attractive. He shrugged and grinned again before letting it out. 

“Last chance, I’m gonna take one more hit and then put it out.”

Natalie watched him take another hit and before she knew what she was doing she was reaching out and plucking the joint from between his lips, bringing it close to her face, looking at it. 

“I just-“ she raised her eyes to look at him, feeling herself blush a little. “Suck on it?”

“Kind of, yeah,” he laughed. “Not too hard, you’ll cough. Just gentle, inhale slow and then let it out.”

“Okay,” she nodded, looking at it again for another couple of seconds before placing it between her lips and drawing the smoke in.

She felt the smoke fill her lungs. It burned a little bit, it didn’t taste that great. As she exhaled, blowing a cloud of smoke out between her and Zac, she didn’t really understand why people liked it so much. Even so, she placed it between her lips again and took another hit before holding it back out for Zac to take.

“Wow, you didn’t cough at all,” he was smiling at her, his face a mix of impressed and amused.

“Is that good?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’ve never seen someone smoke for the first time and not cough a little bit.”

“Oh,” she shrugged, smiling. 

Zac crossed his calf over his knee and put the joint out on the bottom of his shoe before placing it on the table. He kicked his shoes off and brought his legs up so he was sitting Indian style. He turned his body a little so he was facing her.

“So, how do you feel?”

“Good,” she chuckled, shrugging again.

“Good.”

“So, this helps you-“ she turned, bringing her legs up on the couch so she was mirroring his position. “Like, with your anxiety and stuff?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, unzipping his hoodie and shrugging it off. “Calms me, clears my head kind of.”

Weird, Natalie’s head seemed to be doing the opposite of clearing. She’d had a lot of wine, and now she’d smoked weed for the first time, like a teenager who’s parents were out of town. Her head was definitely fuzzy, but it was fuzzy in a good way. She felt light and airy, as if everything in the world was good and nothing could be bad. 

“I’m thirsty,” she laughed, looking over at her empty wine glass sitting on the table. “Shame.”

“I’ll get it,” Zac smiled, shifting and standing up from the couch. He grabbed the two empty wine glasses and vanished around the corner.

Having Zac here felt good, like the comfort of being with someone you didn’t have to try with. Someone you could just be yourself around, not having to worry about pretense or image. There weren’t that many people in Natalie’s life who she felt she could be one hundred percent herself around, but Zac was definitely one of them. She felt lucky, not everyone married into a family that was as loving and welcoming as she had, and they certainly didn’t all get brother-in-law’s that felt more like best friends. When she honestly thought about it sometimes, she thought that maybe they were more of the reason why she stayed around than her own husband. Sometimes she didn’t know what she would do without the Hanson’s. 

“So, we drank it all, this is all that’s left,” Zac sat back down, holding up the now very full glass of wine. “I figured we could just share. I put the other glass in the dishwasher and started it, it was pretty full.”

“Wow, Taylor never puts anything in the dishwasher, never mind starts it. I’m not even sure he knows where the soap is.”

Zac laughed, gently bringing the cup up to his mouth. One wrong move and he’d spill it, it was filled to the tip top. He definitely could have split that between two glasses.

Natalie watched his mouth close around the lip of the cup, watched as he gently tipped the glass, pouring a large sip of the pink wine into his mouth. When he took the cup away his lips were glistening, wet with the sweet liquid. His tongue made a swipe across his lips, and he smiled again, holding the glass out to her.

“Thanks,” she barely spoke, taking her own sip. She felt her face growing hot again, and she wasn’t sure why, so she decided to blame it on all of the wine. 

“Wanna turn the movie back on?”

“Huh? Oh,” Natalie laughed a little and shook her head. “Yeah, right.”

She turned her body and reached for the remote, hitting play. 

“I’m gonna turn this off,” she turned her head back to Zac. He was reaching for the pull chain on the lamp by the couch. “Hurting my eyes.”

Natalie took another sip of the wine before holding the glass back out to Zac. He took it and she turned her head back to the TV. 

“I can’t believe you love this movie so much,” Zac chuckled, shifting on the couch so he was a little closer to her. 

“It’s amazing,” Natalie smiled, turning her head just a bit to look at him out of the corner of her eye. “I don’t know how you _dont_ love it.”

“You looked better than that when you went to prom,” Zac nodded towards the TV where Molly Ringwald was standing arm in arm with Jon Cryer.

“You think?” Natalie smiled, turning her body so she was facing Zac again.

“Definitely, that dress is terrible.”

“Well, thanks.”

Zac licked his lips and then smiled.

“You were probably the prettiest girl at the prom.”

There it was again, that strange stirring in her stomach. Stronger this time. 

Natalie watched as Zac licked his lips again. How had she never noticed just how full his bottom lip was before? How his mouth rose more on one side than he other when he grinned. Just how pink his lips were, slightly chapped like he spent a good amount of time chewing on them. She felt her body leaning towards him, unable to stop it. Or maybe she didn’t want to. Maybe it was the alcohol, the weed, maybe it was the look of his mouth causing her brain to force her body into motion. Whatever it was, it was stronger than she was at that moment. _What on earth are you doing?_ were the last words that ran through her brain before her eyes closed and her mouth landed on his.

They were still for a second, their lips pressed together. His lips were softer than she expected, fuller than they looked. When his hand landed at the base of her neck, he squeezed a little bit, and then they were kissing, really kissing. 

Natalie’s hand was suddenly holding onto the front of Zac’s shirt, pulling him even closer to her. Her brain was screaming _’DANGER’_ , but when he wrapped his other arm around her back, and his tongue found it’s way to hers, she decided that she just didn’t care. Not then. She’d care later.

Natalie was sure that the fuzziness in her head now wasn’t from the alcohol or anything else, it was coming directly from Zac’s lips moving with hers, his hands roaming her body over her bathrobe. It had been a long time since she’d had a kiss like this one, hot and passionate and needy and wanting. 

When Zac pulled away, breaking their kiss, she felt her own mouth following his, not wanting it to end. He rested his forehead on hers, his breathing deep, his chest rising up and down. He opened his eyes, looking into hers and they were shining again.

“If you want to stop-“

“I don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head just a little. It struck her as amazing that you could not realize just how badly you needed something until it was happening to you. But, she _needed_ this, needed him. The thought of stopping was all too much for her. 

“Are you sure?” His hand was still on her neck, his fingers lightly rubbing her skin. She nodded and he tilted his head, kissing her again.

He gently moved his body, slowly maneuvering them so she was on her back and he was on top of her, his lips never leaving hers. She could feel how hard he was through his pants and her thin bathrobe and her breath hitched in her chest. Lately she’d felt a little less than beautiful, not so desirable anymore. Knowing that she’d done that to him, that he was straining against his jeans and it was because of her sent a wave of something that felt a lot like lust throughout her body. 

Zac held himself over her, leaning on one elbow, his other hand caressing her cheek before moving to her neck and then along the neckline of her bathrobe. His fingers found the tie, pulling the end to loosen it. He stopped kissing her and watched as his hand moved her bathrobe away, first one side and then the other, revealing her black bra and panties.

“Jesus,” he breathed, dipping his head and kissing the hollow of her neck, the space between her breasts. Her hands found a place in his hair and she felt her back arch all on it’s own as he kissed a line down her stomach, his tongue leaving small wet spots along the way. 

He moved his body back up hers and kissed her gently on the lips, his hips landing on hers. Natalie’s hips rose off the couch, creating friction between them, causing Zac to let out a breathy moan.

“Come on,” he pressed his lips to hers again, kissing her hungrily while slowly removing his body from hers, standing up and pulling her with him. He put his hands on her thighs, just underneath her ass, lifting her up and wrapping her legs around him. 

Zac moved expertly through the dark house, Natalie’s whole body pressed against him, never breaking their kiss. When he finally found the room he was looking for, he slowly placed her down on the bed, removing his shirt before climbing back on top of her. He spread her bathrobe out again, looking down at her body splayed underneath him.

“I knew you were beautiful,” he leaned down, kissing her neck. “But I didn’t know you were this beautiful.”

His mouth moved down her body, slowly, almost tauntingly, until it reached the waistline of her panties. His fingertips dipped beneath it, pulling them gently down. When his mouth landed on the inside of her thigh, laying small kisses and tiny, delicate bites, Natalie felt herself hold her breath. Her body was starting to tremble with the need for him to take her, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand this. 

His mouth moved to her other thigh as his fingers landed on her clit, moving in slow motion, teasing her, building a fire inside of her.

“Zac,” her voice came out in a whimper, but she didn’t care. 

“Hmm?” He moved his body slowly up hers, his hand moving slightly faster, drawing her further towards explosion. His hair was hanging in his face, his cheeks ruddy. He wasn’t the only one who was discovering beauty he’d somehow never noticed before.

Natalie’s hands moved down to the button on Zac’s jeans, she slid them down as far as she could get them, him kneeling back on the bed to remove them the rest of the way.

“You sure you want this?” He whispered, kissing her softly on the mouth again.

She nodded, pulling his head towards hers, pressing her lips to the corner of his mouth as he slowly slid inside of her.

Zac let out a low moan as he built up a rhythm, one hand gripping Natalie’s hip, the other snaking underneath her, pulling their bodies as close together as he could possibly get them. 

Natalie couldn’t help the thoughts invading her mind as Zac slid in and out of her. When he whispered her name, she was made painfully aware that it had been years since someone had made love to her the way he was now. These days, sex with Taylor was just that, a means to an end. Quick, half dressed, almost more out of obligation than want. She didn’t know how much she’d been missing really being touched, being made to feel good and worth the time it took, until it was happening. She found herself wrapping her arms around Zac, running her hands up and down his back, over his ass, the tops of his thighs. She ran her finger tips up his sides, over his arms. She wanted to touch every part of him, remember what it felt like to discover someone again, to revel in every inch of them. 

Zac moved them so they were sitting, facing each other, his hands firmly on Natalie’s hips, helping her body move up and down on him. He moved one hand to the back of her neck, pulling her face towards his, covering her mouth with his own. She sighed into him, feeling the pleasure building inside of her body, knowing she was going to hit her peak at any moment.

“Do you feel good?” Zac leaned his forehead against her’s, looking into her eyes. She nodded and he smiled. “Good.”

“Zac, I’m-“ she started, and he moved his hand, placing his finger on her lips, thrusting in and out of her just a bit faster, his other hand tightening it’s grip on her hip.

“Come,” he whispered, moving his finger from her lips to wrap his arm around her, pressing their bodies together. “Come with me.”

 

Natalie’s head was on Zac’s chest, both of them still working to even out their breathing, sweat still glistening on both of their bodies. He was playing with her hair, his other hand drawing little shapes on her bare back. He turned his head, placing a light kiss on her temple. 

“Are we going to regret this in the morning?” He whispered in her ear.

“No,” she shook her head lightly. “I’m not, at least.”

“We can’t do this again,” maybe she was imagining it, but Natalie heard a note of sadness in his voice.

“I know,” she said. And she did. She knew that they never should have done it in the first place, and that they likely never would again. What she didn’t know was how to stomp out the overwhelming feeling of sadness that knowledge made grow in her chest.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything was clear to him suddenly. He'd gone and fallen in love with her.

When Zac opened his eyes it took him a few seconds to realize where he was, and once the realization hit him that he was laying in his brothers bed, completely naked, he groaned, bringing his hands up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Zac had fucked up a lot in his life, but he wasn’t really sure he’d ever fucked up like this before. 

He sat up in bed, brushing his hair back out of his face and looking around the room for his clothes. Once he’d found all of them he made his way to the bathroom, doing the things one does in the bathroom after they first wake up, cursing the fact that he didn’t have a toothbrush on him. For a second he wondered how terrible it would be to use Taylor’s toothbrush just hours after sleeping with his wife, but he shook the thought off, washing his hands and pulling his clothes on. 

He could smell food cooking, and it made him wonder if Natalie could possibly get any more perfect, and how on earth his brother could ever take her for granted. When he rounded the corner from the hallway into the kitchen and he saw her standing there in front of the stove, a black t-shirt on that fell just to the tops of her thighs, he leaned against the doorway and smiled. As she moved, her shirt rose just a little bit, showing off the black underwear she was wearing underneath it. Her hair was messy, and she was humming along to a song playing low on the radio, and Zac couldn’t understand how it had taken him so long to see how amazing she really was. 

“Morning,” he said, walking from his spot in the doorway to the island counter to the left of the stove. Natalie jumped a little, turning to him with a smile on her face.

“Morning.”

“Smells good,” Zac smiled, sitting down at the counter.

“Bacon and pancakes,” Natalie smiled again, pushing a plate towards Zac before moving back to the stove to turn the burners off, piling the pancakes and bacon onto a platter. “I know you’re not much of a coffee drinker, but there’s a fresh pot. There’s orange juice in the fridge, if you’d rather have that.”

“Coffee is fine if that’s what you’re having.”

Natalie placed the platter of food on the middle of the counter and then grabbed two mugs from the cabinet, filling them with coffee. She placed one in front of Zac, placing the other in front of the empty chair across from his.

“Cream and sugars right there,” She motioned towards the sugar bowl and small pitcher of cream already on the counter.

“Super woman,” Zac smiled, piling some food onto his plate. 

“I figured you’d be hungry,” she shrugged, sliding onto the stool across from him.

“Aren’t I always?”

They ate in silence, but it was comfortable. Zac couldn’t help his thoughts from slipping back to the night before, Natalie under him, all over him. He wasn’t even sure how they’d ended up in that position, or those positions, but they had, and he was even less sure how he was supposed to forget about it. How he was supposed to look at her for the rest of their lives without wanting her.

“So,” Zac said, pushing his plate away when he was finished. “When’s he coming back anyway?”

“Taylor?” Natalie looked up at him, a small frown forming on her face. He nodded. “Tomorrow. Kate?”

“Two days.”

If Zac were being honest with himself, he wouldn’t mind it if Kate didn’t come home in two days. He missed his kids, don’t get him wrong, but he didn’t miss the fighting, the walking on eggshells. He didn’t miss the unhappiness that lived in their home. He looked up at Natalie, wondering if she was feeling the exact same way. 

“Nat?” 

“Yeah?” She looked up at him, a piece of bacon in her hand.

“Are you-“ he looked around the kitchen and then back at her. “Happy?”

Natalie exhaled, dropping the bacon onto her plate before pushing it away.

“No.”

“When’s the last time you were really happy?”

“Last night,” she smiled, looking down at the counter top.

“Me too.”

She looked back up at him and shook her head, still smiling.

“Before that?” He asked, not sure if he could even answer her if she asked the same question of him.

“I don’t know,” she leaned back on her stool, flattening out her t-shirt. “It’s been a long time.”

“How’d it all get so fucked up?” He stood up and collected their plates, bringing them to the sink and rinsing them before placing them down in the basin.

“When you figure that out, let me know.”

Natalie joined him at the sink, rinsing out their coffee cups and then washing her hands. She leaned across him to grab the dishtowel from where it was laying on the counter and his hand brushed against her bare thigh. It was such a small thing, nothing to get excited about, but when their eyes met, Zac shook his head.

“Fuck it,” he mumbled, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her into him. When her hands landed on his back, they were still wet, and he could feel the water seeping through the fabric of his shirt, but he didn’t care. He leaned down and kissed her, wrapping his other arm around her. 

“I thought we couldn’t do this again,” she breathed, tilting her head away from him just slightly.

“We’re not,” his lips found her neck and she let out a soft sigh. “We’re just kissing.”

“Yeah,” her fingers tangled themselves in his hair, pulling his lips back to hers. “Just kissing.”

Zac lifted her up, placing her on the counter. He stopped kissing her long enough to pull her t-shirt over her head. 

“You’re perfect,” he smiled, running his hands over her breasts, down her sides. She pulled him closer, reaching down and unbuttoning his jeans, leaning forward to push them down.

“We’re not doing this,” she smiled at him, pulling him by the collar of his shirt and kissing him again.

“No,” Zac said, kissing her shoulder. “Definitely not doing this.”

“Not doing this-“ Natalie breathed into his ear as he slid into her. “Not doing this at all.”

 

It had been over a month since Zac had seen Natalie. Taylor had come home from his ‘business trip’ and decided that then was the time to take a break from his ever busy, world traveling schedule and Kate’s next scheduled visit with her parents was still a few weeks away. He hadn’t spoken to Natalie at all, he also hadn’t stopped thinking about her. 

Zac was due at the studio in ten minutes, but he knew that if he wanted to see Natalie, he needed to do it when he knew Taylor would be busy, so he sent him a quick text telling him that he wasn’t feeling good and wouldn’t make it, but he wanted Taylor and Isaac to still work on mixing the songs for the new EP without him. He added in that he trusted their judgment for good measure, knowing that once Taylor and Isaac got into it, they’d hunker down in the studio for hours. 

He was really glad that when he pulled into Taylor and Natalie’s driveway, Taylor’s car was no where to be found. He’d considered the possibility of Taylor calling Isaac and calling the studio off all together after getting his text, but he was glad to see that wasn’t the case.

Zac sat back in the car seat and let out a puff of air. He ran his hands through his hair and told himself to just get out of the car, go to the door and knock and tell that girl what he’d been thinking. He didn’t know why he was so nervous anyway, this was Natalie. He’d never been nervous around Natalie. 

“Okay, you moron, get out of the car,” he mumbled to himself, putting his hand on the door handle. “You can do this.”

He pushed the door open and walked up the path to the front door, knocking twice. When he heard Natalie call out that it was open, he turned the knob and pushed the door open, not expecting what he saw.

Natalie was sitting at the kitchen counter, her hands placed on top of it, her face red, crying. 

“Nat,” he said, shutting the door and walking quickly over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “What happened?”

She looked up at him and shook her head and then bent it, looking at the counter top. Her shoulders were shaking.

“Natalie, come on, talk to me.”

“What are you doing here, Zac? Aren’t you supposed to be at the studio?”

“I needed to see you,” He rubbed her back lightly. “Why are you crying? Please, talk to me.”

“Zac,” she turned her head again to look up at him and then she slid her hands so that they were resting in front of where he was standing. She sighed and then took her hands off the counter, resting her elbows on the counter and putting her face in her hands. 

It took Zac a couple of seconds to understand what he was looking at, but when he did his stomach dropped. A digital pregnancy test with the word pregnant screaming up at him.

 

Zac was standing in Natalie’s kitchen staring down at the cup of tea he’d just brewed for her. He’d gotten her settled down on the couch in the living room and told her he’d be right back. Growing up, whenever him or one of his siblings were sick, or feeling down, his mom always made them tea, and he remembered it always making all of them feel so much better. He wasn’t sure a cup of tea was really a problem solver in this situation, but he did know he’d do whatever it took to try to help Natalie. But, how would he help himself wrap his mind around this situation? He knew that tea definitely wasn’t the answer there.

He took the tea bag out of the mug and tossed it into the sink, wrapping his hands around the warm porcelain. When he walked into the living room Natalie was staring at the blank television screen, her face still red and her eyes still puffy from crying. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her bare feet pulled up onto the couch, her arms wrapped around her knees. 

“I made you some tea,” Zac sat down next to her and held the mug out for her to take.

“Thanks,” she looked at him, a smile that he was sure was forced on her face. She took the mug and blew on the hot liquid for a few seconds before taking a small sip and placing the mug down on the coffee table. Zac couldn’t stop his mind from thinking about how the last time they’d been on this couch together it was under much more pleasant circumstances. If only you could rewind time.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Zac reached over and hooked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“We probably should,” she looked at him sadly. “I don’t know what to say.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Pregnant,” she let out a small laugh. “That’s why I took the test.”

“Have you told Taylor?”

A look of horror spread across her face and she shook her head.

“Don’t you think you should?”

“Zac,” she shook her head and sighed, rubbing her hand across her face. “Taylor and I haven’t had sex in months.”  
“What-” Zac shook his head, everything suddenly falling into place. He didn’t know how he could have been so stupid. The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. “It’s mine.”

Natalie nodded, a tear sliding down her cheek. The last thing he wanted was for her to cry again.

“Okay,” he said, nodding, his knees bouncing up and down a little bit. “Okay. It’s going to be okay.”

He moved a little bit closer to her and rubbed her back. He was an idiot for sleeping with her without protection, he knew that. In those moments, it was the last thing on his mind, and now look where he had gotten them. He wanted to slap himself, he knew better than that. 

“How?” Natalie’s face was twisted in sadness, and it was killing him inside. 

He knew it was his fault. If he’d have just not come here that night, if he hadn’t allowed them to get so drunk, maybe if he hadn’t pressured her to smoke with him, none of this would be happening right now. Why was it, that knowing that and that knowing the situation that they were in now, he still couldn’t make himself regret being with her? He looked at her again, her eyes swollen, her hair a mess, and he realized it at that exact moment. Everything was clear to him suddenly. He’d gone and fallen in love with her. 

 

They’d been sitting on the couch for two hours, not saying anything. The Breakfast Club played on the TV in front of them, and they were both looking at it, but Zac was sure that neither of them were watching it. All he could think about was the mess they’d found themselves in, and how it was even possible to get themselves out of it. They’d have to face up to what they’d done, there was no other option. They’d have to hurt so many people in their lives, and hurting people was something that Zac was never all that fond of. 

He turned his head and looked at Natalie. She was leaning against the arm of the couch, her legs pulled up next to her, her blanket still wrapped around her shoulders. She wasn’t crying anymore, but you could tell she had been. Zac sighed and moved over so he was sitting next to her, he took her hand in his.

“Natalie.”

Natalie turned her head and looked at him, a small frown on her lips.

“We’ve got to figure it out.”

“How do we do that?”

“I don’t know, but we have to,” he shook his head, squeezing her hand. “I’ll be right here, through all of it.”

“You will?”

“Of course,” he pulled her hand to his face, kissing it softly and then letting go and wrapping his arm around her, pulling her into him. He kissed the top of her head, running his hand through her hair. “We’re in this together.”

 

It had been two months since the night in Natalie’s house, and now they were sitting in a tiny exam room at a doctors office in Oklahoma City. They’d driven the hour and a half, Natalie not wanting to go to her normal doctor considering the circumstances, their hands linked on the center console the whole time. Zac looked at Natalie now, sitting in the way too big hospital gown, her foot tapping out a rhythm on the side of the bed. He stood up and moved towards her, tangled his fingers into hers.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“I know,” she smiled up at him.

In the first couple of weeks since Natalie had revealed to Zac that she was pregnant, she hadn’t been doing much smiling, but it was slowly coming back to her. The more Zac showed her that he was on her side, that he was there for her, the more she seemed to start to realize that it might be hard, but they’d work through this. Together. 

The doctor came in, introduced himself. He asked so many questions that Zac’s mind started to blur. But, when the ultrasound technician came into the room and a tiny picture of their tiny baby came up on the screen, Zac found himself holding his breath. He’d done this before, he’d seen this same thing countless times, but this time was heavier. This time he could feel the fallout that was standing in front of them, and he had no idea how they were going to make it right.

 

They found a cute little bistro tucked away on a side street after the appointment and they were sitting across from each other, a basket of bread in between them. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Zac placed the bread he’d been eating down on his plate. Natalie looked up at him, doing the same. “I know it’s going to be hard, even a disaster, but I want to do this…together.”

“Together?” Natalie tilted her head, her eyes questioning.

“Yeah,” he nodded, reaching across the table and putting his hand over hers. “You and me.”

“You want-“ Natalie shook her head, her eyes searching his. “To be together? How do we do that?”

“I don’t know,” Zac squeezed her hand. “But, I haven’t been happy in a really long time, and I don’t think you have either. The first time in years I’ve felt really happy was that night with you, and the next morning felt like a morning I want to have a hundred more times. With you.”

Natalie nodded a few times before smiling, _really_ smiling for the first time in months.

“Okay,” she said, her squeezing his hand this time. “Okay.”

 

Zac opened the car door for Natalie, putting his hand out to help her out. He shut the door and placed his hand on her pregnant belly, getting bigger every day. In three months they’d be bringing a little baby girl into the world, and while everything else was falling apart around them, he felt good about that. He leaned in and kissed her softly, brushing her hair back.

“You ready to do this?”

“Yes,” she smiled up at him, looking across the street at the brick courthouse. 

Two months earlier they’d sat down around the kitchen counter in Taylor’s house, the two of them, Taylor and Kate, and they’d told them everything. They’d been shocked, hurt, angry, but in the end everyone at that table realized that none of them had been happy with the way things were, if they had this wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Natalie and Zac had moved into a small cottage the band kept for writing retreats, and while Taylor and Kate weren’t exactly thrilled or speaking to them all too much, they’d made the transition easy for the kids.

Zac and Natalie walked across the street, stopping on the steps to the courthouse. Once they walked into that building, it would be real. They’d be filing for divorce, starting the path to their life together. Zac looked at Natalie and smiled, holding his hand out for her to take. 

When Natalie slipped her hand in his, leaning over to lay a soft kiss on his mouth, he knew that this was exactly what he wanted. No, _needed_. He led her into the double doors of the courthouse, and knew he’d never look back.

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel: [I Live So I Can Die With You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15393474)


End file.
